It was you who broke me

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With every break

You pushed me away

With every crack

You watched me sway

Stumbling,

I reached out to you

Crying,

I submerged into you

With every break

I swayed on my feet

With every crack

I yelled my retreat

Gathering the pieces

That fell out of me

When i looked for you

I looked for the key

Sobbing i gave you

The few pieces of me

Fix me i wailed

Only you can help me

Helpless you stared

Refusing to help

I dont remember anymore

How you felt

I never saw the lie

Waiting for you to help me

I never knew

It was you who broke me

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Backwards & Forwards

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He smiled at you and offered you the rose. What is that for? You asked. For whatever I did wrong he answered. He stopped you from falling,, scolded you for being so clumsy. Why must you wear those shoes? He asked. He had stopped you from breaking your face on the table. Because they look good! You said, prancing around in your new shoes. You always do he said. He pulled you into his arms and showed the world he loved you. This is how you get pictures taken you said, embarrassing him but making him happy. I will always be your rock, he said. Then stop hurting me you cried.

Heart pounding frantically, you called him to tell him its over. I guess you are right, he said. How he didn’t hear your heart break was beyond you. Yes it was over but it didn’t have to be. I missed you! you said, months later. You didn’t want to let go. Hold on to me, he said, spinning you around and around on the merry go-round

But you are confusing that with what was. You sat alone while the wind made its feeble attempts to push you on. Where are you? You called out to him. I cant do this anymore, he said. I cant push you my arms are tired, I am weak he said. But its just a swing, you mumbled, kicking at a weed in the ground. I am weak he repeated and walked away.

Three days later you returned to the merry go-round and you saw him. Thinner, weaker, miserable, but it was him. He looked around for someone to sit on the see-saw with. You walked up to him. Hi he said shyly. Will you play with me? He asked, pointing to the see-saw.

Why not the merry go-round? You asked

He frowned

 because i only want to play with you, he said.

The Girl who Owned the World

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girl-dancing-rainShe was just a girl

Who painted the sky

With stars and moonbeams

She found the strength to fly

She laughed and laughed

With the joy inside

She created rainbows

On the wind she’d ride

She met people

With a smile on her face

She skipped with rabbits

And challenged them to a race

To every friend

She gave a piece of her heart

N little by little

She saw them depart

Whimpering n crying

she asked in dismay

Why dont you stay

I gave you all I had

None turned To answer

her cry

Instead she gathered

The rocks from the sky

These will be my friends she said

These will be my home

With them I will stay

Doesn’t matter if im alone

With each departing friend

She built a house of stone

Where it didn’t matter

She was all alone

She was just

A haggard old crone

With a heart

Set In granite stone

She cried and cried

As the anger raged inside

She couldn’t decide

How long she could hide

As the walls start

To crumble and fall

She stumbled to the mirror

Set against the wall

One last time

she saw the girl

who was happy

who once owned the world

Underneath it all..

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Dont look away
And say you care
Look me in the eye
Say it now, i dare!

keep building these walls
For someone to feel
Im locking myself inside
These wounds they wont heal

Instead of climbing over
They shout from the top
Hey u know i got a thing!
so im sorry i cant stop!

Sliding slowly
down the wall
I sit with my head up
No the tears wont fall

When no one will break them
They will lock me in the dark
Slowly smother me
Igniting ablaze the spark

One day il let the tears fall
One day il remove this wall
One day it will make sense
N il find happiness underneath it all

words whispered…

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I read the stars

looking for a sign

in the heavens above
you’re meant to be mine

Dark, vast skies
welcome me
Scorning my plight
they force me to flee

Despair clutches my heart
O Dear beloved
Shining high
Why are we worlds apart?

Sitting cross legged
Gazing at the sky
I search for the light
Come, don’t be shy

He came behind me
A whisper of a touch
Fear not, my beloved
I love you too much

I turn to smile
feeling his soul
touch, entwine
submerge into mine

Breathing softly
I asked him why
He smiled shyly
we rose to the sky

Taking my hand
words whispered a few
“While you searched for me
I sat, worshiping you”

The Start of my very own “Bucket List”

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Ok so it might sound a little cliched but  I have always loved the idea of a bucket list.

you know , listing down all the little things (and sometimes huge dreams) that you would like to accomplish, fulfill and maybe experience before you die.

Im not getting any younger, so what the hell right?

Nothing wrong with putting your dreams out there on display for the world to see (and maybe point and laugh) but who knows, maybe putting them on here just might give me the backbone to get off my fat butt and pursue em

you think?

Well I’ll keep adding to this so. here goes;

My Bucket List: Dreams, Aspirations….and maybe outright foolish desires 🙂

1: To get a Tattoo

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yes you heard me! I know i can almost feel some of you rolling your eyes and thinking “thats so 2008”.. but hey, its MY dream its MY bucket list. so try to be a little supportive?

yes a tattoo is something I have always wanted, ever since the days of me watching WWE with my brother and adoring the body art on some of the wrestlers, i vowed to have my body inked, for my own personal pleasure. So a tattoo on my inner thigh…where it will be just my little secret…

2: To go backpacking across Europe

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yes yes another cliche, happened in so many movies, blah blah. But you have to admit it has its little charm.

Europe from Prague all the way to Spain, is pure heaven on earth, and to experience it in all its glory, trekking along the wilderness and through the glorious plains and up the magnificent mountains, to enjoy the wild side of Europe, is something I literally dream of, and would like nothing more than to be able to experience it…

preferably with my significant other 😉

3. Watch a sunrise

Yeah how many of us have stayed up all night, gossiping away and having a good time with our family and friends, huddled under blankets till the wee hours of the morning? raise your hands

yes but has anyone ever sat outisde, with a clear view of the horizon and watched the sun rise? I dont think many of us took out the time to witness such beauty and I for one would like to do so one day, ontop of a mountain, huddled in a blanket, with a thermos of hot coffee, and watch the sun rise.

4. Get my poems published

Yes narcissitic much? well blah!

i say if you have it, flaunt it 🙂 Before I go, i would like to leave something behind for my grand children to show to their children and say “look! you are the descendents of a dark and twisted nut job!”

ah well. something like that 😛

5. Sing a song in a karaoke bar

well you see in a karaoke bar, almost everyone is a terrible singer, and you have music and the crowd cheering you on, so hey how bad could it be right? I would like nothing better, than to get up on stage, grab the mike and belt out “I kissed a girl” with a jig to match 😉  or maybe grab my friends and sing “the bohemian rhapsody” 😀

6. Learn how to swim

I have a soul-trembling fear of water. Once in my life I tried to learn how to swim, to no avail as my siblings thought it would be hilarious to dunk me and scare the crap out of me in a 6 ft deep pool. needless to say i never got over that episode and never even wandered near a pool.

Maybe one day I will clench my teeth and jump, fully clothed into a pool and just bury the hatchet, learn how to swim and finally have the lithe body i always dreamt of 😉

7. Go deep sea diving

yes for this i MUST learn how to swim…I MUST I MUST I MUST!!!

(just letting my stupid brain know it has no choice but to eventually get over the fear and accept it)

8. Learn to shoot a gun

yeah any idiot can do that right? its like a camera, point and shoot.

umm no!

by learning i mean really learning. Aiming right, firing (well duh), and changing the magazine, position, everything!

Also maybe if im good at it, ill buy one too 😉 a pink Uzi apparently 😛

9. Dye my hair Purple, Green, and Pink

yes! total punk style!

yeah temp hair dyes would do, but I’d LOVE to do something as wacky 😀

10. Bury a time capsule for 10 years

you know, take a bunch of things that you really love and that you think symbolize who you are, put em in something that the earth wont swallow in 10 years and bury it deep somewhere where you know it wont be dug up by dogs or ….industrial workers.

take it out after 10 years and see how much you have changed and grown 🙂 yes I shall do that soon 🙂

(More to come)

Fractured Heart

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Rays of hope hit my face

As I smile
Ecstasy flooding my body
Safe in your embrace

Your heart beating
Loyal, against mine
How I feel at this moment
It’s hard to define

While I croon n caress
your beautiful soul
I know there’s no going back
My heart, you stole

I lose myself in your eyes
In the depth of your embrace
I struggle to hold on
Before my head broke the surface

Slowly I return
As my euphoria dies
No one to hear the shatter
As my heart cries

Sobbing, I pick up the pieces
Cutting myself with the crevices
Saving each one
Its gone, its done

Prisms of light shine
Through tears that dry
For him I bleed
With every beat I cry

My fractured heart I mend
With staples of dismay
With every hole punched through
I will him to stay

Picking up what died
I stumbled away
I looked back at what could’ve been
Beautiful, had been there a way

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