It was you who broke me

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With every break

You pushed me away

With every crack

You watched me sway

Stumbling,

I reached out to you

Crying,

I submerged into you

With every break

I swayed on my feet

With every crack

I yelled my retreat

Gathering the pieces

That fell out of me

When i looked for you

I looked for the key

Sobbing i gave you

The few pieces of me

Fix me i wailed

Only you can help me

Helpless you stared

Refusing to help

I dont remember anymore

How you felt

I never saw the lie

Waiting for you to help me

I never knew

It was you who broke me

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Requiem for a Love Story

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I didnt love him like juliet loved romeo

It wasnt love that couldve died

I didnt run after him like girls today I

f it wasnt meant to be, i wouldntve cried

 

He didnt lavish me with gifts

Or promises he wouldnt keep

He didnt take me for fancy dinners

Or crept in to watch me sleep

 

I didnt threaten suicide

When wed fight

I never cried

It was never right

 

Instead i drowned myself

In the very depths of his soul

I merged the broken pieces of me

With him i became whole

 

He fused himself

To the torn edges of me

He started his stories

With not an I but a “we”

 

I retraced our footsteps

Along the shores of regret

They seem to have faded

Did we finally forget?

 

Corpses of dreams

Floated to the side

I kicked them aside

I begged them to hide

 

Like diamonds from coal

They finally emerged

Dragging our broken souls

In the light we submerged

 

Took us years

We finally came through

We came out whole

We came out new

The Treasures (and Horrors) of the Cluttered Desk!

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“We’re going out for dinner in an hour. Come to my office and wait till we leave”

Being a crazy stationary lover, I was in heaven when one fine evening I got the chance to visit my sister’s office after hours. She was busy and had some work to do, so I was free to roam around the empty office. There were desks everywhere!

Each having its own beautiful stationary treasure trove

I wanted it all.

“I’m going to look around and see If I can steal something” I told my sister, who decided to ignored me.

As I walked around I noticed a small plastic hand on each desk I passed. I picked one up and pulled at one of its colorful fingers. It popped out

It was a teeny tiny pretty little highlighter! I was completely bowled over!

a small highlighter! I must have it!

I squealed and looked at my sister, who rolled her eyes and continued to work. I tried to sneak it into my bag but my sister wasn’t having any of it. She distracted me with a big bag obviously filled with sponsor goodies (my sister works in corporate communications)

I grabbed it and sat down to rummage inside.

Boring!

Only one item of stationary which I gave a once over and announced it useless. I had no use for writing pads thank you very much.

From my spot on the floor I spotted a pile of t-shirts under my sisters desk.

Success!

I started pawing through it, looking for a large size which I could wear around the house. I found one and squirreled it away.

Then I noticed a black color collection bag.

Hello there. What’s this?

I excitedly pulled it towards me and then recoiled in horror

“Oh yea. That. Take that home” my sister said nonchalantly

What I unearthed from under the pile of t-shirts, lying there since God knows when, was a once plastic, now sticky black and brown lunch box.

I looked at my sister who was sheepishly smiling

“What the hell was in this? Chocolate cake?” I asked

“Uh no. a sandwich”

I gagged a little and kicked it away.

Then I noticed a drawer that was sticking halfway open. I tried to close it and it wouldn’t budge. I pulled it out and from the very back, unearthed a few packets of sweets which were a year past their expiry date.

What the hell?!

“Will you leave my desk alone?” My sister snapped at me, now very annoyed.

I was still hyperventilating.

I pulled open another drawer that was filled to the brim with paper

And then I noticed…

Ooo look teeny tiny envelopes!! And they are GREEN!

I was gleefully celebrating my newest find..

Till a cockroach ran over my hand…

 

Backwards & Forwards

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He smiled at you and offered you the rose. What is that for? You asked. For whatever I did wrong he answered. He stopped you from falling,, scolded you for being so clumsy. Why must you wear those shoes? He asked. He had stopped you from breaking your face on the table. Because they look good! You said, prancing around in your new shoes. You always do he said. He pulled you into his arms and showed the world he loved you. This is how you get pictures taken you said, embarrassing him but making him happy. I will always be your rock, he said. Then stop hurting me you cried.

Heart pounding frantically, you called him to tell him its over. I guess you are right, he said. How he didn’t hear your heart break was beyond you. Yes it was over but it didn’t have to be. I missed you! you said, months later. You didn’t want to let go. Hold on to me, he said, spinning you around and around on the merry go-round

But you are confusing that with what was. You sat alone while the wind made its feeble attempts to push you on. Where are you? You called out to him. I cant do this anymore, he said. I cant push you my arms are tired, I am weak he said. But its just a swing, you mumbled, kicking at a weed in the ground. I am weak he repeated and walked away.

Three days later you returned to the merry go-round and you saw him. Thinner, weaker, miserable, but it was him. He looked around for someone to sit on the see-saw with. You walked up to him. Hi he said shyly. Will you play with me? He asked, pointing to the see-saw.

Why not the merry go-round? You asked

He frowned

 because i only want to play with you, he said.

I’ve found the perfect place to talk about feelings

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First stand in a room that is empty

Second stare into a blank wall

Third say everything you need to say

until you can no longer hear at all

 

Until your words are drowned

with the sounds of your sobs

But it’s okay because no ones around,

no one will see u fall

 

My door is only closed

because if you try

to open it,

u will see a wall

 

Wasn’t what you expected?

Maybe I’m not what you expected

This grand idea of the perfect girl only exists in the mind

Mind you Im no one you will find

 

How can I explain to you

I see happiness in everyone’s future but mine

Yes, I am a fortune teller and if I tell you who I am

I won’t be the fortune you thought you were lucky to find

 

The thought of explaining to you who I am cripples me

Knots so damn tight, you wont know how to break free

But let’s do it anyway:

I don’t open up because it will give me away

 

So will crying

It is giving the enemy ammunition to hurt you

It is mounting your problems on someone

so your own seem so few

 

But I believe there is no love without pain

And painfully I admit that Its all in vain

I don’t show it because confidence is key

Confidence doesn’t lead to others pitying me

 

That is undermining and not who I want to be

Then the worst part

seems to be

that I don’t know who I want to be

 

Yet I have these random

brief moments of happiness,

of hope, of life

that leave as quickly as they came

 

So far the only goal I have

is to make those brief moments count

hours and days are not my price

Maybe just one day could suffice

Before i die

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Bury me bury me

In soft regrets tonight

In the recess of my memory

I feel you try to fight

 

Fight for me will you

Its too late for love

Bury me will you

In your secret trove

 

Bleeding my wounds

I relish the pain

I remember all i lost

N none i gained

 

Call me will you

Tell me u hate me

Drive the stake in

Finally set me free

 

Hate me will you

Do what i say

You cant love me, no

No.you cant stay

 

Kill me will you

Torture me tonight

So,Before i die

I will see the light

Move on…

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These violent feelings

Have violent ends

In this madness called love

We’re bound to break and bend

 

None is the winner

In this so called battle

No one who will wipe the tears

Or hear the desperate prattle

 

In the end

 it will all be

The shell of what was

Not “us” or “we”

 

I will not scream your name

Or sit with you and watch the flames

I will not sit and cry

Wish every moment that I would die

 

You will not stare off into space

Gasp for air, as if running in a race

You will not smoke away your pain

You will not wonder if it was all in vain

 

You will decide love is not for you

Steal away any chance for you to be blue

You will decide this can’t be done

Its finally over, you had your fun

 

I will say its not for you

Love, feelings, none of it is true

Move on, get a clue

Move on, its nothing new